OPINION: The cut by a thousand deaths

Oh yes, I see now... you think I’ve got it the wrong way round. You think that Old Hardcastle has had a bit too much claret with his roast beef of Old England and has misplaced his ‘Brewer’s Dictionary of Phrases and Fable’ and that is why I got it a bit mixed up?

Well, I haven’t. This is MY column and I’ll write it, however, I please... or so my Editor tells me, so ‘The cut by a thousand deaths’ is what this particular offering is called and it’s how it’s going to stay!

It is of course on the subject of the latest round of Rochdale Council cuts; 45 million of them if we want to count it out in coins of the realm. Of course, describing them as ‘council cuts’ is not without difficulty. They have, after all been handed down by our masters at Westminster.

If a few deaths result from cuts to vital services, they can quite rightly hold up their soft white hands in horror and say: “We didn’t actually tell you to go out and kill people. All we meant was for you to implement a few cash-releasing efficiency savings here and there.

“We really are sorry that Billy Whatsit died out in the cold because the council closed his hostel. And of course it was a dreadful shame that the young lad with Educational Special Needs got run over by that bus because they axed his school transport and he’d never been out on his own before.

“Yes, we heard about that 23-stone disabled woman who died when her broken stair-lift collapsed underneath her after the council withdrew the maintenance service. You have to laugh though, don’t you?

“No – sorry, when I say ‘laugh’, my Communications Manager says that is not what I meant to say at all. I was completely misquoted and taken out of context. What I intended to say was how very deeply saddened I was by this tragic and completely avoidable death and that I can assure you that there will be a full Judicial Inquiry led by that chap who is about to get a seat in the House of Lords... although you didn’t hear that from me.

“Yes, I’d heard that the Rehabilitation Team, looking after people with serious brain injuries has been axed as well but let’s face it, if they have serious brain injuries they probably aren’t aware of it and, more importantly, they aren’t even registered to vote. Still, our thoughts are with the poor girl’s family at this sad time even though in some tragic way, falling out of her bed that awful night might have been considered a kindness.

“No, honestly; I’m as shocked as you are by these dreadful deaths or ‘collateral damage’ as we like to refer to it at the club. No, I agree with you; there must be total and complete honesty and accountability here. There must be no whitewash at the ... err... you, know what I mean.

“We must be prepared to name and shame. There must be no safe haven for those local Labour councillors responsible. As I promised, there will be a full and completely independent Coalition Inquiry into these dreadful deaths. These must be no stone under which we are not prepared to crawl in our efforts to bring those responsible to justice.”

“We are a caring government; a listening government. And more importantly, we are all in this together... for the most part.”

This is the end of the Party Political Broadcast.